the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We have so much sex to catch up on
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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