The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We are two peas in an std pod
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
