trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
