Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
