Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
