Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
