My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
