I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
