YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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