your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
