theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
