Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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