He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
