I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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