shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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