you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
