ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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