I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
