We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
