I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
