Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
