He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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