And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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