Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
