Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
