wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
