i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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