i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
