are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
