Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
