Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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