hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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