Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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