also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
