i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
