I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
