Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
