he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
