you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
