you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
