someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
