I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
