I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
