could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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