hell yes lets make some ravioli
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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