The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
