White coat. Heels.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
