Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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