my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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