this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
