I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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