Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
