my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
