I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
