hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
