Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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