he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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